i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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