Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
worst night to have a conscience
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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