When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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