Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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