I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
