I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you made out with another girl for some wings
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
