I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
