So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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