Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
