I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
