i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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