Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
