your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
