I'm really into asian looking animals
someone threw a dead crab at me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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