k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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