East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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