You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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