I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
