let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
