I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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