I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
