Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
