i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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