My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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