a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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