she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
