Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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