Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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