Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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