I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
