used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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