the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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