I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
