Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
