1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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