I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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