yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They have beer where we have blood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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