I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
