my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize