would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
