Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
