Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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