I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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