hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
