I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
