I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
