i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
