So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
