wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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