I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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