Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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