Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
