is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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