dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
