just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm like, not good at living.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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