i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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