you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
