The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
