How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
