Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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