The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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