I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
