Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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