he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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