So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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