i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I AM VODKA MAN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
