You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
