we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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