Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
