Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
handjob tips. give me some.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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