If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
