dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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