I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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