I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
